


Don't Scare the Pigeons

by Summertime_Poet



Category: Twenty One Pilots
Genre: (and whilst i usually would have written joshler fluff, (i think this is my first (aside from a few unpublished drabbles) TOP ff), (so if you wanna read it the bff way that works too), Gen, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, and he's having a hard time trying to let Josh know where he is, basically Tyler is dealing with the voices in his head, but Josh comes and things end up okay, this one ended up rather angsty and more open to interpretation), warning for voices in people's minds telling them to jump off a roof i suppose
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-17
Updated: 2016-03-17
Packaged: 2018-05-27 07:05:11
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,055
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6274552
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Summertime_Poet/pseuds/Summertime_Poet
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p><i>“You know we’re sitting on a roof, right?”</i> Tyler froze, even more than he already felt like he was. “<i>We</i>- do not-“ He coughed. Talking was like trying to scream when twenty feet under water. He knew what that was like, so he knew it was a sound comparison. “- exist,” he whispered. Surprisingly not feeling like vomiting. Only as though any energy he might have left had just been drained from him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Don't Scare the Pigeons

_“Stupid. So stupid.”_ The voice keeps whispering inside of Tyler’s head. He tried to pay attention to something else- the setting sun seemingly far away. The by now ripped to shreds poster announcing their gig from the previous day, parts lying on the ground spread all around him. His heartbeat. His _heartbeat_. Oh, that had been such a bad idea. Listening to his heart had never proven as successful or helpful in any way so far.

 

So he had resigned to feeling awful and lonely.

 

 _“You’re such an unworthy creature. They hate you, and you know it.”_ Tyler held his breath. Maybe if he’d lack enough air, oxygen to breathe... maybe the voices would fade. Maybe he would fade, too. He tried not to think about it, but the thought had stayed at the back of his mind ever since.

 

 _“You know you are a loser.”_ Wow, how _creative_. He almost let out a hysterical laughter, because he was way too aware of that fact anyway. Almost.

 

 _“You...”_ Were they finally running out of ideas? Tyler didn’t dare to hope for it. There was nothing else to hope for, so why should he... _now_? He buried his head in his knees that he had pulled up to his chest by then, placing his crossed arms somehow over his buzzing head. He felt dizzy, sick. Heavy from thoughts, too scared to scream because that would mean that he would fall apart. It felt like he would vomit if he moved a single inch just right then. So he didn’t.

 

 _“He probably hates you, you know? For what you put him through on an almost daily basis.”_ _That_ was not true. The almost daily basis bit at least. Tyler knew they were probably right about the other part though. As much as he wished it wasn’t true, he was more than convinced that Josh hated him, even if only secretly, by now. How could anyone _not_ after all this?

 

The sun kept moving downwards, the colors of the sky changing along with its position in the sky. Tyler didn’t see any of it. Head buried in his knees, he kept his eyes closed and waited for it to be over. What it was, he wouldn’t have been able to tell, even if someone would’ve pointed a gun at his head, or at anyone he ever cared about. He wanted to scream.

 

 _“There was a time you might have asked him... But you lost all of it, and more. You don’t even deserve to want to be his friend- even less so, his best friend. Admit it.” Yes, I do._ He would have whispered in response. Had he been able to open his mouth. But he still felt as though he would vomit if he only tried to.

 

He shrank into a shivering pile of bones and skin, with goose bumps he didn’t feel because he felt far too numb to notice the cold air surrounding him and brushing over his skin. He still felt like that time he had caught that stomach flu and had felt sick for an entire week straight, but the feeling had started to subside a little.

 

His cell phone started buzzing. He was so glad it was turned on mute. He was not sure how he would have reacted when the alarm would have gone off with any kind of noise. He probably would have died.

 

**“Tyler, where r u? Uve been missing since this morning”**

 

Oh, Josh. Naïve Josh. Well... probably not naïve. He knew Tyler well enough. Which was probably why he hated him so much. Tyler didn’t blame him.

 

He dropped the phone on the ground in front of him, from a height of five centimeters maybe. He didn’t want to shatter the device after all. So much complex technology. It would be a waste to destroy it only because he was such a useless mess.

 

He tried to push himself up a bit, to manage a better posture, but he couldn’t. Eventually, he settled on something that vaguely resembled sitting cross-legged. He stared ahead of him. He sun was almost gone. He shivered, suddenly feeling the wind. He hated everything in that very moment, and he couldn’t even tell why. He just knew he did.

 

 **“not doing well”** , he texted back. His arms were heavy as lead, and he started feeling dizzy again. He dropped the phone onto his legs as soon as he had hit ‘sent’.

 

 **“where are you?”** No twenty seconds later.

 

 _“Don’t tell him. He will come and look for you, and you deserve none of it. Least so, his attention.”_ Tyler whimpered. The voices in his head were so loud and... _FULL_... they took up so much space, it made him feel incapable of moving, of picking up the phone displaying Josh’s reply. His little finger jerked and he tried so hard, but- he _couldn’t_.

 

 _“You know we’re sitting on a roof, right?”_ Tyler froze, even more than he already felt like he was. “ _We_ \- do not-“ He coughed. Talking was like trying to scream when twenty feet under water. He knew what that was like, so he knew it was a sound comparison. “- exist,” he whispered. Surprisingly not feeling like vomiting. Only as though any energy he might have left had just been drained from him.

 

“I won’t,” he added. More emphasis this time. _Don’t give up, they don’t deserve to hurt you._ Funny. The words seemed to have existed all the time he could recall existing and, consequently, suffering, but he remembered far too well whom had told him so. Holding his hand and gently patting his head. Huddled in a light, not too warm blanket next to him, their backs pressed to the small bus’s thin cold wall.

 

 _“Just JUMP, you failure!”_ Tyler grinned, almost feeling like a maniac, but his mind started to clear up now, even if it was only a little bit. A light in a thick fog. More than nothing at all, he guessed. Or so Josh would have told him. Pressing a cool washcloth to his forehead, whilst Tyler’s fingernails dug into the heel of his hand, drawing the littlest of blood from being pushed into for hours.

 

 _“You worthless, miserable-“_ Oh. They were _finally_ running out of words. And Tyler felt a boost of energy filling his limbs again, not enough to make him move and jump up, but enough to take a deep enough breath, fill his lungs and- _scream_. “SHUT UP!!!”

 

His head dropped forwards, and his hands fumbled shakily for the phone that was still placed where his legs crossed each other. **“Roof top. 2 blocks from bus. Old library”**

 

It had been 40 minutes since Josh’s last reply. How-

 

 _“He won’t care, you know? Why would he?”_ He shouted, spit back inside his mind: _WHY WOULDN’T HE?!_ He only got a maniac giggle and laughter in response. Hands holding the phone in his lap, he slowly stretched out his legs, his feet dangling over the edge of the roof ever so slightly. Just enough to move his feet and feel the air sighing against his ankles, enough to make him feel fear, but far away enough to keep him from doing anything stupid. He hoped so- very much. For the first time in hours.

 

**“K seein u. Wait for me”**

 

 _“This is your chance! Get back at him! Move forward, quick!!!”_ He was getting fed up with the voices, and whilst he knew (and his head was finally feeling clear enough to let him know so) that this was a good sign... he still felt sick for a moment there. _No. NO._ “NO!!!,” he shouted, angrily. He would _not_ oblige those fuckers. Not now, not anytime soon.

 

He heard footsteps, someone running up the four flights of stairs of the abandoned library.

 

**“dont scare th pigeons”**

 

He let out a huff that would have been a laughter, weren’t the situation such an earnest one.

 

**“5”**

 

Seconds, probably. Tyler guessed.

 

It took Josh about three and a half seconds. The door several meters behind Tyler flew open with a loud bang. He didn’t turn around, _couldn’t_ , but he _could_ hear Josh cursing under his breath, about the door being so fucking loud. Well, Tyler guessed. He wasn’t wrong about that.

 

“Tyler! Oh my god.” Josh sounded almost out of breath, almost. More so, worn out and tired, and high on adrenaline at the same time. Tyler felt so sorry for being the reason for it, but he knew that if he thought too much about that now, the voices would come back later. It all would be so much worse. So he stayed quiet, even when a thud behind him indicated that Josh had let himself fall to the ground of the roof and shuffled into a sitting position behind Tyler- even when a pair of strong arms wrapped themselves around his upper body. He let out a shaky breath.

 

“I’m so sorry. Please-“ He should move on. Get over this as fast as possible. Scare Josh less, hope for a peaceful night if he did well now.

 

“I know.” Josh’s voice was warm, and calmer than his hasty running up the stairs should probably allow. Then again, this was _Josh_. Tyler should probably not be surprised. _Whyever anyone like Josh would put up with someone like him was beyond-_

 

The beginning of a chain of negative thoughts was drowned by surprise when the arms that were still wrapped around his upper body started pulling him in, pulling him backwards, against Josh’s chest. Away from the edge of the roof.

 

Josh placed his chin on top of his head – softly, careful not to press down on it – a second or so later. _Warm._ It was as though his brain had entirely given up on him at that moment. It was just... _quiet_. Left Tyler alone. He smiled. It wasn’t a visible smile but it was there. He felt it. Josh seemed to feel it too, feel Tyler’s back getting a little softer against his chest. Not limp, but... less tense. He softened his hold on Tyler’s upper body, and then, slowly, started lightly rubbing small circles over Tyler’s stomach. Very lightly, softly. So gentle, Tyler almost didn’t feel his shirt move up, and down, and sideways along with Josh’s hand. He knew it helped whenever Tyler felt sick. He had not forgotten.

 

 _Of course he hadn’t. Dummy._ A lighter, quieter voice piped up, sort of nudging the inside of his mind? Tyler didn’t know whether that made sense. The voice didn’t matter too much. Not right now. Though he preferred it to the darker, heavier ones. By _far_. They took up _too_ much space.

 

He then noticed that Josh was whispering. Into his hair? Or was he talking to him? He didn’t know. A sudden wave of anger – directed at himself, for not paying attention properly when already being a bother to someone he loved – rushed through him, only for a second. Josh seemed to feel it. “It’s fine, Ty. I don’t mind.” He did not elaborate what _exactly_ he didn’t mind, but... Tyler was grateful.

 

“’m sorry for bein’ a fuckin’ mess,” he mumbled.

 

“It’s alright, Tyler. I understand.” Josh had stopped moving his hand in circles over his stomach, and instead moved on to caressing his back. Softly. Then put his arms around Tyler again, not too tight but also not too loose, not loose enough to let Tyler and his mind slip away from the present. He didn’t give him that possibility of escape into the danger. He _knew_.

 

He placed his head on Tyler’s shoulder, his chin feeling so real on Tyler’s cold skin.

 

He did not scold Tyler for wearing so thin clothes at this time of the year. He did not leave, he did not tell Tyler to do so. He was not angry, nor disgusted. He was being soft, and caring. He genuinely wanted to help, and Tyler suddenly wasn’t scared of _letting him_ anymore.

 

He shivered, but it was another kind of shiver for the first time that day. It was a shiver that told him that it was going to be alright, that he was going to be okay. Or at least as close to okay as possible for the moment.

 

“Thank you.”

**Author's Note:**

> Originally intended to title this ficlet Harsh Solitude, but it was the idea of Josh texting Tyler "dont scare th pigeons" in order to keep his mind from - whatever else - in that moment that that inspired me to write this story, so I stuck with this in the end. ^^ Also, I was sick and tired as heck when I wrote this, and I ended up feeling pretty much like my 13- or 14-year-old self again (which was not fun, admittedly, but well. At least it resulted in a story, I guess).  
> Anyway! I posted this (as per usual) over on my drabble blog (http://patsdrabbles.tumblr.com/post/141203749548), as well, and I hope you enjoyed this short angsty ficlet with a happy (more fitting: hopeful) ending ^^
> 
> PS: There's now [a Russian translation of this fanfic](www.ficbook.net/readfic/4193447) made by [tjstar](www.archiveofourown.org/users/tjstar/pseuds/tjstar)! ^-^


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